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Stories Are The Most Powerful Force In The Universe

I'd like to start today off with a video recommendation - if you like sports, or even if you just like funny, you've got to see a special production by Carson, this video (yes, he's just as famous as Prince or Madonna because we can now refer to him by ONE NAME ONLY - CARSON), about a Philadelphia sports fan who, even after attending over 20 sporting events, has yet to see a Philly team win . . . (wow talk about run-on sentence) . . .

Now on to the promised introduction I talked about yesterday - an organization that harnesses the most powerful element in the universe. The organization is "7 Women, 7 Stories". It was founded by Anne Beiler (founder of Auntie Anne's Soft Pretzels) after she published her story in the book "Twist of Faith" and discovered the freedom that comes when you embrace, and share, your story.

The most powerful element in the world? No, it's not plutonium or baked beans or that little pen the president uses to sign stuff into laws. The most powerful element in the world is story. It's story, folks!

Tell yours.

And check out 7 Women, 7 Stories to find out more.

My Favorite Novel of All Time

We are finally moved in. Kind of. There are still a few boxes lying around, full of pictures that need to be put up, little knick-knacks with which we need to clutter the house. But the bulk is done. And I feel that I'm ready to get back into blogging on a daily basis.

For those of you who checked in last week to see what my favorite novel of all time is, I apologize: at that point the boxes were still winning, and we had no internet (my efforts to get internet to our house were nearly as interesting as my attempt to get the $69.95 charge from McAfee for my double-subscription taken off my credit card).

Anyway, without further ado, my favorite novel of all time is . . .

Wait. First let me give you the first few sentences . . .

"The Salinas Valley is in Northern California. It is a long narrow swale between two ranges of mountains, and the Salinas River winds and twists up the center until it falls at last into Monterey Bay.

"I remember my childhood names for grasses and secret flowers. I remember where a toad may live and what time the birds awaken in the summer - and what trees and seasons smelled like - how people looked and walked and smelled even. The memory of odors is very rich."

So begins John Steinbeck's epic novel, East of Eden. The back of the book describes it as a "the Trasks and Hamiltons helpless reenactment of the fall of Adam and Eve and the poisonous rivalry of Cain and Abel." In this book I encountered the most evil character I have ever encountered in literature (Catherine Trask) and one of the most wise and likeable (Samuel Hamilton). While the book is not as widely read as Steinbeck's Grapes of Wrath (the political and social aspects of "Grapes" make it mandatory reading in nearly every high school and college across the country), Steinbeck felt that East of Eden was his best work. And I agree with him.

Two of our children's names come from this book (youngest daughter Abra, and youngest son Samuel). I hope you'll take the time to read it.

Tune in tomorrow for an introduction to an organization that harnesses the most powerful element in the universe (and I'm not talking about He-Man).

A Friendly Reminder . . .

My first round of writing workshops are officially over, but we’re starting up again on April 7th and 8th. This time around it will be on Wednesday or Thursday nights for 6 weeks (there are 6:30 and 7:45 time slots available on Wednesday evenings, and 7:45 time slots on Thursday evenings) – each week we focus on a different aspect of writing as they pertain to storytelling in fiction and non-fiction: imagination, narrative voice, plot, dialogue, setting and living a writing life. Each person will work on short pieces to clarify their voice and sharpen their writing.

There is also a second-level course available on Thursday evenings at 6:30, also for 6 weeks – to enroll in this class you will need to either have completed the first level course or submit a writing sample. This particular class will focus on completing 3-4 short stories or refining/writing one longer piece.

Check out Janelle’s blog to see what she thinks about the class.

Both evenings are at the Family Center in Gap, PA. I may also be conducting a 6-week, first-level writing workshop in Gettysburg, but the details for that are still up in the air. The cost for all 6 weeks at either location is $125. Please let me know if you or anyone you know would be interested – I can be reached at shawnsmucker@yahoo.com

If you don’t mind sharing a link to this on your Facebook page or blog, I’d appreciate it!

My 10 Favorite Things About Moving

10) The kids find toys that have been in storage for 5 months - it is like Christmas

9) You find clothes that were accidentally placed in storage for 5 months - it is like Christmas

8) Throwing stuff out just because you get so tired of moving things you haven't actually used for years

7) "Accidentally" breaking things during the move that your spouse had previously refused to part with

6) Finding lots of change - Starbucks/Angela's Cafe fund is rejuvenated for at least a day and a half

5) Eating lots of junk food (all food prep equipment is in a box you cannot find)

4) The youngest kids actually go an entire day without whining and crying because the living room is temporarily turned into a jungle gym of boxes and out-of-place furniture in which they climb around and get lost

3) Finding old pictures of yourself from college and not knowing whether you should laugh or cry

2) Trying to create a clever argument as to why the mirror with the black frame needs to go even though it belonged to your spouse's grandmother ("accidentally" breaking this piece is not an option because you've been trying to get rid of it for years and your spouse would see right through an "accident" such as this)

1) Realizing the outlet plug on your clothes dryer actually fits the dryer outlet in the house

Pulling Out My Hair

"Hi, this is _______ with McAfee. How can I help you?"

"Hi, I just realized that you charged $69.99 to my credit card and I wasn't sure why?"

"Okay, sir, if I could just get some information to verify the account. To what card was this charged?"

"Um, I've actually cut up the card recently, so I don't know the card number. I just have my credit card statement which only shows the last 6 digits."

"Okay, sir, how about a telephone number?"

"Um, try this one ---/---/----."

"Okay, sir, that number is not in our system. Do you have another number?"

"How about ---/---/----."

Silence.

"Okay, sir, that number is not in our system either."

Silence.

"Um, is there any other way of accessing my account that you just charged $69.99?"

Silence. I hear the sound of pages turning in the background.

"Yes, sir. Can you give me a valid email address?"

"Uh, how about --------@yahoo.com?"

"Okay, there is a McAfee account on that email address but it is valid through 2011 and there have been no charges to it."

"Um, you just charged me $69.99."

"Okay, sir, do you have another valid email address?"

"You can try ---------@yahoo.com."

Silence.

"Okay, sir, that account did have an automatic renewal option which is why you were charged $69.99."

"Oh, okay, can we take that off?"

"The automatic renewal?"

"Yes."

"Okay, sir, I've taken care of that. Will there be anything else today?"

"No, I don't think . . . wait. How much longer does that keep me protected?"

"Well, actually sir, you have also have a special offer with Dell that covers you for three years and goes through 2012."

"What? Then what was I just charged for?"

"You were charged for the automatic renewal."

"So I'm covered twice on one computer."

Silence.

"Yes, sir."

"WHY WOULD I NEED TWO SUBSCRIPTIONS?"

Silence.

"Sir, what would you like me to do with your second subscription?"

"What are my options?"

"You can transfer it to a friend or relative, you could . . ."

"Could I just get my money back?"

Silence.

"Okay, sir, your refund of $69.99 has been processed."

Time To Move On . . .

Tomorrow we move (there will probably be a few days this week that I will not blog due to all the fun involved with changing homes).

It will be a big move for us - we've been living in mom and dad's basement now for about five months, and you get used to the constant hum of a full house (not that our three bedroom will be empty). But there's something nice about intergenerational living - the kids hanging out with the grandparents, seeing my sister and grandma just about every day, spending evenings just talking and playing Scrabble.

There's also something nice about having a place of your own, and Maile and I are looking forward to it. The house we're moving to is small, but it's on two acres of forest and yard, with a stream and a garden and lots of room for the kids to run around. The timing is right.

I think it's time for a change to my blog, too. I'm realizing that you can only write about not doing something for so long, whether it's "not watching tv" or "not eating chocolate" or "not sleeping on your left side".

With all these changes taking place, I thought I'd get into retelling some of the stories that led to Maile and I moving back to Pennsylvania. There's a lot of stuff that's gone on in our lives in the last six months, exciting stuff and sad stuff and extraordinary stuff.

So, as soon as I can get Gent to finish up shawnsmucker.com, I'll start on the new blog. If you see him, tell him to stop spending so much time on the dinner theatre he is writing, directing, producing, and acting in. Tell him you are way too eager to stop reading about someone who is not watching television. (Gent, if you're reading this, I'm totally kidding. No hurry, now close this blog and get back to your production).

Okay, now that we've got rid of Gent, get on his case. We need shawnsmucker.com, and we need it now.

Remember Gordon?

So, as has become typical on Fridays, I've got another old television show from the 80s for you to reminisce about. I know, this is a blog about not watching television - it doesn't make much sense for me to be doing this.

Oh well, it's fun, and it's really rainy outside today.

So, remember this one? Be the first to guess it right and you will win an awesome prize.

Nuclear family has something crash into their garage. His name is Gordon Shumway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuRcxnzguUE

Did you guess it? Okay, the prize today is (drumroll please):

. . . the pleasure of knowing that you are right.

I gave this prize to my 6 year old son yesterday and he just stared at me for about ten seconds without blinking, then said, "no, really, what's my prize."

2nd Favorite Novel of All Time

Just thinking about my second favorite book of all time suddenly has me so eager to read it again that as soon as we move (next week) and get our stuff out of storage, this is going to be the first book that I break open.

The book is "A Prayer For Owen Meany" by John Irving, and if you love reading fiction and you haven't read it . . . FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO OUT AND BUY THIS BOOK.

Ever feel like your life has no purpose? In this book you'll meet a character who knows the date that he will die, and he lives his life in a way that every experience is preparing him for this final purpose-filled event.

The book is written in the first person, and the narrator's best friend is a strange little fellow named Owen Meany. The book begins with this reflection:

"I am doomed to remember a boy with a wrecked voice. Not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument of my mother's death, but because he is the reason I believe in God. I am a Christian because of Owen Meany."

There are so many interweaving storylines and characters and events that I won't even attempt to summarize it, but the following are some quotes from the book:

"If you care about something you have to protect it – If you’re lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it."

"When someone you love dies, and you're not expecting it, you don't lose her all at once; you lose her in pieces over a long time -- the way the mail stops coming, and her scent fades from the pillows and even from the clothes in her closet and drawers. Gradually, you accumulate the parts of her that are gone. Just when the day comes -- when there's a particular missing part that overwhelms you with the feeling that she's gone, forever -- there comes another day, and another specifically missing part."

And a quote that I have to include due to the tv-less state of my life right now:

"If watching television doesn't hasten death, it surely manages to make death very inviting; for television so shamelessly sentimentalizes and romanticizes death that it makes the living feel they have missed something - just by staying alive."

Next Thursday, my favorite novel of all time.

Workshop Topic: Setting

Last night at our writing workshop we explored how the setting in which we grew up affected us as people (trying to then get at how the setting in which we place our characters illuminates / affects / transforms them). It made me think a lot about the various settings in which I grew up, and how they affected me.

The first place I remember living is Laredo, TX . . . I was four or five, there were lots of lizards and heat and fire ants and dust and I saw my first real life road runner. From there we came back to where my parents grew up - Lancaster, PA. I often wonder how that homecoming at such an early age affected the way I feel about Lancaster, made it seem even more like where I belonged.

Growing up in Lancaster gave me a strong sense of community and family. A love for open spaces and fields encroached by forests and streams, especially streams with rich deep banks and lots of sky hanging above them.

So where did you grow up? How did your setting (either landscape or type of house or type of family) affect who you have become?

What Better Thing To Do This Spring Than Write?

Happy Tuesday! Spring is finally here . . . the snow is melting, little green buds will soon peek out of the tips of the branches, and life will start pressing up through the ground . . . what better time of year to get more deliberate about writing?

My first round of writing workshops are coming to an end, and we’re starting up again on April 7th and 8th. This time around it will be on Wednesday or Thursday nights for 6 weeks (there are 6:30 and 7:45 time slots available on Wednesday evenings, and 7:45 time slots on Thursday evenings) – each week we focus on a different aspect of writing as they pertain to storytelling in fiction and non-fiction: imagination, narrative voice, plot, dialogue, setting and living a writing life. Each person will work on short pieces to clarify their voice and sharpen their writing.

There is also a second-level course available on Thursday evenings at 6:30, also for 6 weeks – to enroll in this class you will need to either have completed the first level course or submit a writing sample. This particular class will focus on completing 3-4 short stories or refining/writing one longer piece.

Check out Janelle’s blog to see what she thinks about the class.

Both evenings are at the Family Center in Gap, PA. I may also be conducting a 6-week, first-level writing workshop in Gettysburg, but the details for that are still up in the air. The cost for all 6 weeks at either location is $125. Please let me know if you or anyone you know would be interested – I can be reached at shawnsmucker@yahoo.com

If you don’t mind sharing a link to this on your Facebook page or blog, I’d appreciate it!

Tell Me Yours

As we're closing in on my favorite novels of all time, I started getting curious . . .

What are yours?

I am in a reading lull and could use some suggestions.

Have a great weekend!

3rd Favorite Novel Of All Time

As you know if you've been following along for the last 6 weeks or so, Thursday posts are dedicated to counting down my top ten novels of all time.

The final three books in my countdown are pretty much interchangeable depending on my mood that day, I like each of them so much. But if I had to choose, I'd go with The Brothers K by David James Duncan at number three.

The story revolves around a family of four brothers and two sisters. Their mother is a Bible-thumper and their father is a mill worker by day and a minor league baseball star by night. When the father has an accident at the mill, his baseball career is snuffed out, and the entire family is affected.

It's a story of a family torn in different directions by religion, baseball, and war. It's a story of a family pushed and pulled back together by those same things.

The first time I read this book I was floored by the descriptions, the story line, and, most of all, the characters (so much so that our oldest son Cade is named after the main character).

If you get a chance, pick it up. Time to read!

Just Another Fortune . . .

As some of you may have read, last Wednesday I let you all in on the little secret that I was about to become a millionaire. What I did not tell you was that I replied to the Bank of Africa email with a one line message: I am interested in your proposition.

This was a mistake.

I have since been contacted by four separate individuals representing former account holders at the Bank of Africa who have all tragically and, slightly suspiciously, come to untimely ends.

The first man died in a plane crash - the person from the BOA who contacted me felt so passionate about this situation that every single word in the letter was capitalized.

The second also met his demise in a plane crash. Over the Baltic Sea. In 1999.

The third died in a tsunami - in this case Mr. Amadou Kabore used the word hence 17 times in his letter.

The fourth died on a boat.

And in every single case, the person's entire extended family died with them, leaving no immediate family, no extended family, and, more importantly, no one to claim their exhorbitant fortunes.

No one, that is, except me.

The reason I feel so devastated about this is because I am obviously about to collect between 30% and 50% of four separate fortunes, leaving me with anywhere from $15.7 million to $23.4 million. And have any of you recently looked up the lives of those who come into large sums of money? It's not pretty:

- only 55% of lottery winners said they were happier after winning

- only 40% increased contributions to charity

- 70% of lottery winners spend all of their money within three years

- 33% of lottery winners eventually file for bankruptcy

My family and I will obviously need your support to get through this incredibly difficult time of wealth.

I have to go now - it's time to get back in touch with Tuogo Hazem, Patrick Daniel, Chen Guangyuan, and Amadou Kabore.

Year Without Television - Day 60

Now that the Olympics are over, I don't feel any worse for having missed them. But even though I didn't watch, I'm still reminded that much of it makes no sense to me . . . here are ten things about the Olympics I don't understand:

1) The Opening Ceremonies - should that word be pluralized? I'm an English major and I still have no idea.

2) Curling - do those guys sweeping the ice really make that much of a difference? If they do, then the one throwing the big stone probably doesn't have to be THAT skilled, right? If the sweeping is meaningless, then why are they out there?

3) What good is a medal if it's based entirely (or even partially) on a judge's opinion? These events give me the same feeling as NCAA football national championship discussions.

4) A question for those skiers who go off the high ramp and do all kinds of flips, twists and turns: what was your very first jump like? Was it anything like when an eagle pushes it's babies out of the next?

5) How much do I have to pay to be one of the front two men in a bob sled (they seem to only be along for the ride, and I can do that)

6) Wouldn't a snow cone be more appropriate than a torch?

7) What do the five Olympic rings stand for (I could probably google this answer, but, until I do, it still fits in the category as things about the Olympics that I don't understand)

8) Why is there a difference between men's and women's skis? Aren't they just different lengths and, in some cases, different colors? Do the former wear a tuxedo on a night out? Do the latter where a bikini to the beach? Does one variety say, "Don't try to fix my problem, just listen?"

9) Wouldn't some summer events like the long jump, water polo or the 400 meters be much more entertaining as winter events? What if one year they completely switched all summer events to winter, and vice versa? Imagine platform diving into a 35 degree pool with a thin skin of ice on the water.

10) The Closing Ceremony(ies) - I don't really need Bob Costas breaking down the symbolism of whatever cultural event is taking place. I wonder if he actually enjoys that, or if in his head he is cursing himself for being the most accomplished sports analyst on the planet, wishing instead he could go back to the days of broadcasting a Cubs/Mets game in June.

So, on reflection, is there anything about the Winter Olympics you just don't understand?

Tell Us About Your Blog . . . And See Some Of My Favorites

My cousin Gent and I are working on getting this blog switched over to wordpress. My new address will be shawnsmucker.com But as we've been working on this I've been checking out a lot of other blogs, just to get ideas on how I would like mine to look.

There are some really good blogs out there these days, as I'm sure you all know. The following are some of my favorites (in no particular order):

Bryan Allain - funny man Bryan shares his humorous outlook on life. Be sure to check out his "Cliche Thursdays". If you like what you see, order his blog year in review (available in real life hard copy and as a cute little file you can put on your computer)

Jessica Ramsey - a thought provoking devotional blog based on her responses to scripture from the Book of Common Prayer

Tyler Stanton - a hilarious blogger who has also created some enjoyable/side-splittingly funny videos

Rachele Gardener - interested in writing? Want to hear an agent's take? This is a great blog for writers to discover the inner workings of an agent's brain (don't worry, not as scary as it sounds!)

Janelle Beiler - are you a stay-at-home person needing some encouragement or a quick pick-me-up? Check out Janelle's blog as she writes about her life as a mother.

Andi Cumbo - if you want to read a great blog about Thoreau-ian simplicity, with some academic insights and a few great book reviews thrown in for free, Andi's blog is for you. She's got a refreshing outlook on life and will encourage the side of you that doesn't want to give in to the monster of materialism.

Shar Smucker - photographer extraordinaire. Check out the way she documents her ever growing family through photos.

The House Studio - a small publishing house trying to do things differently. Take a look at their books (The Kingdom Experiment, The Mosaic Experiment) and blogs.

So tell me about your blog? Feel free to advertise your blog in the comments section below - include your name, website and subject matter.

Don't be shy.

Friday's Television Quiz

Fridays are flashback day - perhaps not watching television has me feeling nostalgic about all the good ol' shows from the past. Can you guess this one? If they're too easy let me know and I'll try to up the challenge factor.

When I was a kid this was one of the cartoons that I loved but my parents were not too crazy about - not sure if that's due to the creepy bad guy, or the cartoon women running around in skin-tight sorceress gear. Or the fact that the main character was constantly claiming to be the power (my parents were new Christians, conservative evangelicals at the time, and so anyone besides Christ who ran around claiming to be THE POWER was immediately suspect).

Anyway, how could I be to blame, if I just happened to wander over to my neighbor's house at exactly 3:30, and he happened to want to watch television, and this happened to be the show he wanted to watch (with a little prodding)?

A few clues:

- the main character's every day name, when he wasn't his heroic self, was Adam
- the main character's every day occupation was: prince (is that an occupation?)
- he had a dog named Cringer

Know it yet?

- the three sidekicks who knew his identity were The Sorceress, Man-At-Arms, and Orko
- he was the most powerful man in the universe

Still not sure? Here's one phrase that should bring everything back:

"By the power of Gray Skull!"

Click here to see the original trailer.

If you watched this as a kid, who was your favorite character? Was I the only one banned from watching this?

Fourth Favorite Book Of All Time

For most of us who love to read, there is one book that we can look back on as THE BOOK that somehow lassoed our interest in the written word. Usually it happened somewhere in middle school or high school (although I have heard of late bloomers).

My fourth favorite novel of all time was this book for me - I read it during the summer before my senior year (thanks to Mrs. Yuninger), and the impact it had on me is immeasurable. The narrative voice was so astoundingly unique, and the story-telling so fresh and unguarded . . . from that moment forward I knew I wanted to write, I knew I wanted to read more, and I knew that when I went to college I wanted to study literature.

The book is The Catcher In the Rye by J.D. Salinger. The main character is Holden Caulfield, perhaps the least forgettable character I've ever run into. The book starts off with "If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like . . ." I found some more good Holden quotes on this website. Here are some of my favorites:

- "It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road."

- "I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible."

- "When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go."

- "All morons hate it when you call them a moron."

- "It's really too bad that so much crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes."

- "Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody."

There is a tension in this book that has always fascinated me: the profanity-laced narrative of Holden seems incongruent with his all-consuming desire to protect the innocence of children. And he is still just an adolescent himself.

If you've never read The Catcher In The Rye, you really should. You can also find out more about the auther JD Salinger, who passed away last month here.

So what books snagged your interest in reading?

The Email I've Been Waiting My Entire Life For

Seriously, guys, I'm about to be a millionaire.

Check out the following email I just received. I'm so giddy about it, I'm literally shaking. Don't worry, I'll still blog from my mansion.

The letter is as follows:

My Dear ,

How are you,first i will explain my self little to you before we continue.
I am the manager of bill and exchange at the foreign remittance department of BANK OF AFRICAN . (BOA) Ouagadougou, Burkina faso , I am writing to seek your interest over a transaction.

- I'm not worried that they don't know my name. In fact, they are probably just trying to protect my identity from anyone who may have picked up this email by accident. I'm also not worried that when I searched this dude on Google the first thing that came up was "Scam 419". That is a coincidence.

In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $18.5m US dollars (Eighteen Million Five Hundred Thousand ) .
In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in 31 July,2000 in a plane crash.

- At first I wondered at this person's inability to write a complete sentence, or to use correct punctuation, but then I realized that this inattention to detail completely lines up with someone who would misplace $18.5 million in their department. This is called compatible evidence. This makes me more comfortable with the situation.

Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim.
You can confirm the accident from bbc news website:

- The entire story summarized in a 74-word sentence using only one comma. Amazing. And the fact that there is a website attached showing the accident only confirms my suspicions: I am about to be a millionaire.

The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after five years, the money will be transferred into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund.
The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.

- The accident was in 2000. The money has to remain unclaimed for 5 years, which means these folks have been searching for me since 2005. That also means they have been working really hard for a long time to find me. I like that. Plus, they used the word "Burkinabe" which not everyone knows means pertaining to or originating from Burkino Faso. Only a genuine Burkinabe would know that.

We agree that 30 % of this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 10 % will be set aside for expenses incurred during the business and 60 % would be for me and my colleagues.


- This is where I began to get a little unhappy . . . 30%? I don't think so, buddy. I need at least 40% plus travel expenses. What do you think, I'm some kind of writer with no regular income and will go through all this hassle for chopped liver?

There after I and my colleagues will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relations or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name, your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where in the money will be remitted .

- A logical request. Although I thought all the relations or next of kin died in the plane crash? How can I then apply as one of them? Maybe he forgot that part. Oh well, not a big deal.

Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application. I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer .

- I was feeling a molecule of fear at first, and then a polyatomic ion amount of fear. But when he reminded me not to entertain even an atom of fear, well, then I was reassured.

So I've sent an email to drhenryjombo@sify.com to collect on this huge fortune. I'll let you know how it goes. I won't forget you all, when I'm rich.

How A Fire Helped Me Remember

It seems a long time since my first post on going a year without television, at least until I realize it's still February. Then it doesn't seem very long at all.

I was thinking a lot about our decision not to watch tv during our short trip to Rochester last week to see Maile's brother and his family. We took a few peeks at the Olympics (you can't travel 300 miles and then be antisocial!), and the kids watched a few movies. I was still reeling from the realization that television has some positive elements.

Then a quick attempt at starting a fire brought things into perspective.

My brother-in-law Ryan has a fireplace, and I was trying to start a fire without kindling (tiny twigs and branches), using only cardboard and then huge logs. It wasn't going very well - the cardboard would burn really hot for about a minute, heat up the sides of the logs, then die out.

Just as I was struggling to get this fire going, Ryan came home.

"You got any small sticks?" I asked.

"No," he said, "but there's a bag of firestarters out there."

I went out into the freezing cold garage and grabbed a small, yellow plastic bag with something solid inside of it. It was a firestarter. I read the directions, handling it like it might explode into flame at any moment. Then I placed it between two logs and lit it, bag and all.

Suddenly there was a beautiful fire roaring in the fireplace, but I was left feeling strangely useless.

You see, when I was a kid I was in this church thing called Royal Rangers, where we learned to tie knots, chant off certain credes about character, and, among other things, start fires. We learned to use kindling, tinder, and then the real firewood. No paper, no cheating.

By the time I was 12 I could start a fire with my eyeglasses, a shoelace and the hollow wooden thingy that held my red neck tie in place.

Anyway, Ryan's fire starter had taken all the fun out of it. I sat down with my book and tried to read, but something was nagging at my brain. Then I realized.

Television is a firestarter.

Remember how when you were a kid and your parents would say "stop nagging me - go outside and play" so you'd traipse out the door with a couple of G.I. Joe's or dolls or something and end up under a tree somewhere in your backyard or at a neighbor's house and you'd play and play until, when it was finally time to go back inside, you really didn't want to go?

Remember how you used to rely on your imagination to have fun, and you'd create entire worlds and universes and everything hinged on some single solitary decision that you would make?

This was the same thing as building a fire one small stick at a time, seeing the nearly invisible flame turn into some monster of a bonfire.

But now - CLICK - the tv is on. There is no creation, only consumption.

I miss those small sticks.

That's what we're trying to get back to with this tv-time-out. The creation. The imagination. Reading. Writing. Playing games. Peace. Quiet.