Year Without Television - Day 60

Now that the Olympics are over, I don't feel any worse for having missed them. But even though I didn't watch, I'm still reminded that much of it makes no sense to me . . . here are ten things about the Olympics I don't understand:

1) The Opening Ceremonies - should that word be pluralized? I'm an English major and I still have no idea.

2) Curling - do those guys sweeping the ice really make that much of a difference? If they do, then the one throwing the big stone probably doesn't have to be THAT skilled, right? If the sweeping is meaningless, then why are they out there?

3) What good is a medal if it's based entirely (or even partially) on a judge's opinion? These events give me the same feeling as NCAA football national championship discussions.

4) A question for those skiers who go off the high ramp and do all kinds of flips, twists and turns: what was your very first jump like? Was it anything like when an eagle pushes it's babies out of the next?

5) How much do I have to pay to be one of the front two men in a bob sled (they seem to only be along for the ride, and I can do that)

6) Wouldn't a snow cone be more appropriate than a torch?

7) What do the five Olympic rings stand for (I could probably google this answer, but, until I do, it still fits in the category as things about the Olympics that I don't understand)

8) Why is there a difference between men's and women's skis? Aren't they just different lengths and, in some cases, different colors? Do the former wear a tuxedo on a night out? Do the latter where a bikini to the beach? Does one variety say, "Don't try to fix my problem, just listen?"

9) Wouldn't some summer events like the long jump, water polo or the 400 meters be much more entertaining as winter events? What if one year they completely switched all summer events to winter, and vice versa? Imagine platform diving into a 35 degree pool with a thin skin of ice on the water.

10) The Closing Ceremony(ies) - I don't really need Bob Costas breaking down the symbolism of whatever cultural event is taking place. I wonder if he actually enjoys that, or if in his head he is cursing himself for being the most accomplished sports analyst on the planet, wishing instead he could go back to the days of broadcasting a Cubs/Mets game in June.

So, on reflection, is there anything about the Winter Olympics you just don't understand?