Just Another Fortune . . .

As some of you may have read, last Wednesday I let you all in on the little secret that I was about to become a millionaire. What I did not tell you was that I replied to the Bank of Africa email with a one line message: I am interested in your proposition.

This was a mistake.

I have since been contacted by four separate individuals representing former account holders at the Bank of Africa who have all tragically and, slightly suspiciously, come to untimely ends.

The first man died in a plane crash - the person from the BOA who contacted me felt so passionate about this situation that every single word in the letter was capitalized.

The second also met his demise in a plane crash. Over the Baltic Sea. In 1999.

The third died in a tsunami - in this case Mr. Amadou Kabore used the word hence 17 times in his letter.

The fourth died on a boat.

And in every single case, the person's entire extended family died with them, leaving no immediate family, no extended family, and, more importantly, no one to claim their exhorbitant fortunes.

No one, that is, except me.

The reason I feel so devastated about this is because I am obviously about to collect between 30% and 50% of four separate fortunes, leaving me with anywhere from $15.7 million to $23.4 million. And have any of you recently looked up the lives of those who come into large sums of money? It's not pretty:

- only 55% of lottery winners said they were happier after winning

- only 40% increased contributions to charity

- 70% of lottery winners spend all of their money within three years

- 33% of lottery winners eventually file for bankruptcy

My family and I will obviously need your support to get through this incredibly difficult time of wealth.

I have to go now - it's time to get back in touch with Tuogo Hazem, Patrick Daniel, Chen Guangyuan, and Amadou Kabore.