The Spork Post

I'm tired of talking about television. And I've got another 338 days to try to think up posts about the tube, so today I'm going to talk about something else we should rid society of.

The spork.

That's right, I'm talking about the small plastic utensil many toddlers use when they are first learning to eat. Shaped like a spoon, the tip of it is slotted to create two or three prongs that don't really go anywhere - they're just part of the spork.

This is useless.

It is slotted, so it has no usefulness as a spoon. Kids can't eat soup with it. It sieves the cereal from their bowl of milk. Anything slightly runny or fluid just drips out the bottom.

But it's no good as a fork either, because the end of it is round. You can't skewer anything with it: hot dogs, mac and cheese, beef - all are resistant to the inadequate prod of a spork.

Things that are just as useless as a spork:
1) pretending that the finale of Lost is next week (Bryan, we all know it will never actually end)
2) half-time show for the Super Bowl (I know one person, 1 person!, that looks forward to that)
3) having an American Idol panel made up of anyone besides Simon, Randy and Paula

Alas, I'm right back to television . . .

Anything you find particularly useless?

Tune in tomorrow for my 8th favorite novel of all time.